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My obsessions are few. I’m not a skinny bitch, but I am a big-foot bitch sporting a size 12. So, shoes and haute couture are not top priorities. I do, however, spend mad $$$ on decorations, home accents and of course, plants, plants, plants. I'll reference Baby Boy Da Prince, this is the way I live. My garden is top priority! I’m outside daily in 102◦ Louisiana humidity pulling weeds and cutting grass like a crazy deranged Martha May. My lawn is tight, well-manicured. It’s similar to waxing, got to keep up with those stray weeds, or before you realize, your shiz is out of control! Remember Miranda in Sex & the City, so please, groom your bushes! I work hard for my lawn fitness. Nobody touches my lawn! I do it all, edge, weed-eat, fertilize, and yes, I blow. I want to let you in on my best kept secret. For all the gardeners out there, Home Depot’s year guarantee on plants will change your life, seriously. I don’t think they had me in mind when developing this policy. It turns out anyone can actually have a money tree in their own yard! Very important: SAVE ALL CONTAINERS AND RECEIPTS. Greatest joy on earth is to enjoy flowers in full bloom, and when death approaches, bada bing, right back to the store! And I can go home shopping at Kirkland’s after, Gotta love it. Turns out, six foot under means I'm six times richer! I love the looks of amazement of the people in the return line when they look at my flat of dead shit, truly priceless. I received a $450 credit that day! Take my advice, it’s better than a lottery ticket.
Aside from my garden of Versailles, I love to do outdoor displays. It’s a stress relief and so fun to get creative. Halloween is my favorite holiday of the year, and my favorite excuse to spookify the front yard. One year, I decided to place the huge spiders on my stucco front with a spotlight for shadowing. (By the way, if you haven’t utilized outdoor spotlights, now is the time to see the light! They make anything look better, especially if you throw some light up a tree or directly on some wreaths on your front doors. It adds the dazzle factor, trust.) Sorry, back to Halloween, the spiders made a statement, and I guess everyone else in the neighborhood agreed. Spiders started to breed and appear on many neighboring houses, hmmmm. Outdoor display tip #1: Go big, or go home. If you choose a focal point, make it stand out. From the street, you want people to see what you display so they can gasp with amazement. If your wreath Fleur de lis is microscopic, people miss the point. So remember, it's like a bank account, bigger is always better. Also, I’m a special effects master and the extension cord queen. For Halloween, I used a fogger and tiki torches to give a hellish, cryptic feel. Notice my handsome, little gangsta man.
Aside from my garden of Versailles, I love to do outdoor displays. It’s a stress relief and so fun to get creative. Halloween is my favorite holiday of the year, and my favorite excuse to spookify the front yard. One year, I decided to place the huge spiders on my stucco front with a spotlight for shadowing. (By the way, if you haven’t utilized outdoor spotlights, now is the time to see the light! They make anything look better, especially if you throw some light up a tree or directly on some wreaths on your front doors. It adds the dazzle factor, trust.) Sorry, back to Halloween, the spiders made a statement, and I guess everyone else in the neighborhood agreed. Spiders started to breed and appear on many neighboring houses, hmmmm. Outdoor display tip #1: Go big, or go home. If you choose a focal point, make it stand out. From the street, you want people to see what you display so they can gasp with amazement. If your wreath Fleur de lis is microscopic, people miss the point. So remember, it's like a bank account, bigger is always better. Also, I’m a special effects master and the extension cord queen. For Halloween, I used a fogger and tiki torches to give a hellish, cryptic feel. Notice my handsome, little gangsta man.
One of these days, my house may explode, but at least it was stylin’ and profilin’ in the process. Thank God my skeletons didn’t catch on fire, now that would have been a display folks.
I know bloggers like to get an inside view, so here are some pictures of the homestead and pool. Interesting fact, my pool stone wall is a replica of Jeana Keough's in the Real Housewives of Orange County. We actually saw it in person, very funny story I'll save for another post. Let just say the gated community of Coto de Caza should watch out for the Real Stalkers of Louisiana. I have lots more to share so please return. Thanks for visiting!
I know bloggers like to get an inside view, so here are some pictures of the homestead and pool. Interesting fact, my pool stone wall is a replica of Jeana Keough's in the Real Housewives of Orange County. We actually saw it in person, very funny story I'll save for another post. Let just say the gated community of Coto de Caza should watch out for the Real Stalkers of Louisiana. I have lots more to share so please return. Thanks for visiting!
